While at a training for missionaries preparing to go on the field, I’ve had some time away from the regular demands of life and have been able to really process life. We are starting a big transition. We just sold our house. We’ve sold a lot of our possessions and plan to sell a whole lot more next month. We are getting ready to move over 6000 miles away from the family and friends that we love. We are going to be completely out of our comfort zones in nearly every imaginable way.
I am super sad about this move. I am really grieving the losses for myself and my kids. I am at this training for a few weeks, but then I will go back and really begin the hard work of saying goodbye to life as I’ve known and enjoyed it. Sometimes, I can barely breathe under the weight of it all. I am now only dealing with the tip of the iceberg; there is so much hidden beneath the surface.
And yet, I am totally at peace. I’ve been doing the hard work to prepare mentally and physically and now I’m starting to really prepare emotionally as well. It isn’t all sunshine and roses, but it is all beautiful. Maybe even more beautiful in the deep sadness that is surrounding me as I reach out for help. God is my ever-present help (Ps 46) and so I need not be afraid.
Often for me the future is frocked in fear, but not this time. Don’t misunderstand, I do have some fears, but I am working to “go toward that!” I am learning to ask God to help me release whatever it is I’m afraid of losing or messing up or whatever. As I am letting God turn my heart toward Him instead of holding tighter to the things I want to control and figure out, I’m finding freedom and hope and great peace. It’s almost like there is some truth to Philippians 4:6-7. 😉
Even in the sadness, I can see God’s with me – his love quieting me, helping me to take the next step forward.