I have always prided myself on being someone who lives according to her convictions. A life based on values and priorities not just letting things happen. Somehow, I am not sure that this is still true of me. I want it to be true, but I am not sure that it is.

There are a few reasons for this doubt:

1) I’m very tired and busy chasing my dear toddler many days and therefore don’t do what I have planned.

2) I am not planning my days. There are many days when I look back and feel like I could’ve and should’ve been more deliberate and productive with the time given me.

3) I’m not entirely sure what I value or want my priorities to be at this point.

On the other hand, I feel like I’m living more in line with my values and priorities than ever.

There are several reasons for this confidence:

1) I’m very tired and busy chasing my dear toddler and don’t do all the things I have planned (ie. cleaning, cooking, exercising, etc.)

2) I am not planning my days completely. Instead, I am allowing the special moments of Eila’s days to be just that rather than a series of activities and events and things to accomplish.

3) I know that I do value time with people and training Eila in godly ways, and am spending my time in these pursuits, but little else.

Basically, I am a little confused about if my life is being lived to its fullest or if I should be making changes to ensure an authentic and purpose-filled life. I guess I need to spend a little more time in communion with God over this one because He is the One with the plan for my life, not me…

1 Comment »

  1. Jennifer said,

    March 20, 2006 @ 10:46 am

    Welcome to being a mom! And I say that only because that is a classic mom question! As moms, it is our overwhelming feeling that we are not living up to our name or what God wants for us to be as moms. God is the only one who is perfect and we only can rely on Him and hope that we follow His ways. He sets up our “wasted days.” I don’t have very old children; a six and a two year old, and I too have many, many days where I feel I have “wasted” a day. I also have some regrets on my past days as well…but I look back at all of those “wasted” days and I realize how I did and am living my life to the fullest! I don’t regret one unplanned day with my 6 year old. I don’t regret one messy kitchen or the ever growing pile of laundry in the basement….because…my baby is no longer a baby, she is six years old. I am no longer chasing her as a toddler, but trying to catch her to stop her from slipping through my fingers. As you know already, they grow so fast. I am now taking more time with my two year old and trying to enjoy my six year old’s zest for life. So now I don’t worry about my life, but how I am going to explain to her why I can’t play because laundry needs to be done. Focus on number 3 of the positives, because that is our job as Godly moms! Enjoy Eila, before you know it…she’ll be helping you with the laundry! 🙂

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