Shannon Yee

While at a training for missionaries preparing to go on the field, I’ve had some time away from the regular demands of life and have been able to really process life. We are starting a big transition. We just sold our house. We’ve sold a lot of our possessions and plan to sell a whole lot more next month. We are getting ready to move over 6000 miles away from the family and friends that we love. We are going to be completely out of our comfort zones in nearly every imaginable way.

I am super sad about this move. I am really grieving the losses for myself and my kids. I am at this training for a few weeks, but then I will go back and really begin the hard work of saying goodbye to life as I’ve known and enjoyed it. Sometimes, I can barely breathe under the weight of it all. I am now only dealing with the tip of the iceberg; there is so much hidden beneath the surface.

An Iceberg (credits: Niyazz)

And yet, I am totally at peace. I’ve been doing the hard work to prepare mentally and physically and now I’m starting to really prepare emotionally as well. It isn’t all sunshine and roses, but it is all beautiful. Maybe even more beautiful in the deep sadness that is surrounding me as I reach out for help. God is my ever-present help (Ps 46) and so I need not be afraid.

Often for me the future is frocked in fear, but not this time. Don’t misunderstand, I do have some fears, but I am working to “go toward that!” I am learning to ask God to help me release whatever it is I’m afraid of losing or messing up or whatever. As I am letting God turn my heart toward Him instead of holding tighter to the things I want to control and figure out, I’m finding freedom and hope and great peace. It’s almost like there is some truth to Philippians 4:6-7. 😉

Even in the sadness, I can see God’s with me – his love quieting me, helping me to take the next step forward.

Lately, Josiah has not been eating as much, which I’m sure will change again, but for now he basically says that he doesn’t want to eat. He claimed to not like the dinners prepared for him. After several days of this, we offered him a new option: make the dinners that he would like. He jumped at the chance and has made dinner so that he can get more of what he wants.

So far from Chef Joe, we’ve enjoyed Mandarin Chicken, cereal, pizza, macaroni and cheese (from the box), Swedish meatballs, sausage, biscuits & gravy (homemade), spaghetti and sauce (from jar) and breakfast casserole (Mrs. Meagher’s recipe – from my wedding shower cookbook!).

These choices may not all be the healthiest or most nutritious, but Josiah seems pretty happy. He is learning some valuable skills in the process too.

I am a girl with many questions. I am also a girl who likes to have all the answers. Unfortunately, I am in a really uncomfortable place for me… a place with many unknowns and therefore lots of potential for growth or failure. Failure is my biggest fear. My husband and I have known for a while that God was calling us to go, to serve full-time in ministry. We have been following God’s lead, one step at a time. Last September, when I began the Revelation study with Bible Study Fellowship International (BSF), I was praying for a revelation of my own, where God would answer all my questions about the future. Well, God has made many things clear in this study of Revelation. For me, the biggest revelation has been Jesus! This study has been a Revelation of Jesus first and foremost.

If I have all the answers, I will rely on myself, but God has opened a huge door and called me, my husband and our three kids to go to Yaound̩, Cameroon Рfrancophone Africa. That was one question answered, but it led to so many more questions with so much potential to fail. Every moment, I have to make a choice: will I freak out because the circumstances around me are far beyond my abilities or will I look at Jesus and trust Him.

Revelation has made me focus on Jesus. Each week at BSF, I’ve learned lessons about God’s sovereignty and power to control everything. Jesus is worthy of praise and complete trust too, even in the midst of seeming chaos. Jesus is victorious, king, lamb, lion, sacrifice, worthy, faithful, true, mighty, perfect, bright morning star, holy, above all, reigning, powerful, just, merciful, living, gracious, beckoning… and so much more. As a children’s leader, each week we ask the kids questions after the story. The kids know that the answer is Jesus. We ask: Who is perfect? Jesus. Who judges rightly? Jesus. Who reigns in heaven? Jesus. Who is coming again? Jesus. This is what I needed to be able to understand the book of Revelation. It isn’t about all the symbols and judgement, though that is in there; it is about Jesus.

The very first week from lecture, I wrote down: “Follow God’s dreams, not mine. Don’t focus on what ‘seems’ to be, but on Jesus.” What seems to be is not always what is… It seems like I am in this awful place where I feel so lost and out of control. I am full of fear. I am overwhelmed and failing as a mother, wife, friend, missionary, children’s leader. I see how I am not measuring up and it seems so hopeless.

I am working hard at developing a partnership team and obeying God’s call, and I am tired, but in my weakest moments and when I keep messing it all up, God keeps picking me up and calling me back to Him. God wants me not to focus on me, but on Jesus. I dream of being perfect and having everything just so. God’s dreams will get me there one day, but His dreams are taking me a different way than I’m inclined to go.

So, the biggest lesson I’ve learned was stating succinctly in the intro to this study, and then repeated each week. “Keep your eyes on the Lamb!” When I have my Jesus in sight, my doubts and questions lead me to worship, not worry. With Jesus in His rightful, central place (Rev. 5:6), I say “Yes, Lord” no matter the cost and am able to take the next step forward in faith, not fear. I can see that the wild place (Rev. 12:6) may really be the safest place because that is where Jesus is.

It seems so hard at times. But then, I look at Jesus and I see all that He has done, eternally, for me and I see Him at work, here and now in the little details. My kids are sharing their deep thoughts openly and asking for prayer. My husband is talking to strangers and friends alike, confidently – if you know him, you understand that this is a huge God-act.

Our financially partnership team for our Wycliffe ministry is at over 60% and that is God’s work. I am humbled to be part of what He is doing. God has brought me from not knowing where or what He was asking me to do last September – to clearly calling me and my family to Cameroon in December, to providing what I need, at exactly the right moment for His glory now. I am often full of tears and fears, but God is so gracious and I’m learning to trust Him each moment and to focus on Jesus, following His dreams not mine.

I don’t like being in this uncomfortable place, not knowing all the answers with great risks, but I know Jesus and with Him, I can take the next baby step. I can be bold and look at Jesus. As I confess my self-focus and repent, my focus changes to Jesus. Jesus is the answer for life and for all my questions too!

As we get ready to go to Cameroon, we are trying to learn as much as we can about what will be are new home. One of the ways that we’ve done that is by watching this video:

I wasn’t going to make any New Year’s Resolutions this year, just because I hadn’t thought about it at all before New Year’s Eve when Brian and I were talking about it. However, I think there are a few changes I like to see in myself this year…

So, I plan to be intentional in finding and then restoring a treasure that I lost some time ago. (not my wedding ring… that has already been replaced!)
I would like to review my life goals every month, so that I can remember what I want to do and who I want to be when I grow up.
And, I want to stop waiting and start doing.

It seems like everywhere I look, I’m hearing about, reading about, learning about what it means to have community. I live in a city with a pretty big community center where I spend lots of time taking kids to classes or taking classes myself. But, I don’t think taking classes is what community is really about. I think community is about belonging. It’s about sharing things in common and sharing even when we don’t have things in common. I think community is about being together – learning, laughing, loving, living. What do you think?

I’ve been seeing lots of 2wordstory.com around my community and wonder if someone’s story might be: Community? Community. Mine could be restated that way.

1. Family. I love them all. It’s just not right that there would have so many awesome people in one family and that I am apart of that family. I think I have something like 75 people in the extended family and they are all so much fun!
2. Faith. Who and where would I be without the saving grace that is constantly at work changing me and has given me life?
3. Friends. It boggles my mind to think of all the people that I have called friend and have returned that over the years. I am most thankful for those who still call me friend when I am not a friend.
4. Food. Honestly, I love to eat and create things with food. I cannot think of anything more fun that sharing a delicious meal with friends or family.
5. Games. Playing games is really fun and helps me to be at ease in a group of people when I wouldn’t normally.
6. Home. It’s where the heart is (and also the messy kids and hubby that I love so much!)
7. Computer. I really like to have all sorts of information available for me to learn and get organized, etc. It’s so convenient.
8. Health.
9. Books. So many to read, so little time.
10. Bed. I’m really tired and it’s so comfy…

I am a planner. I like to plan and have everything organized and know what to expect as much as possible. I don’t really like surprises or last minute things. I don’t like to have every minute scheduled, but I do like to be prepared and have a general plan.

Apparently, that is only for home-schooling moms. If I want to be a planner and send my daughter to public school; that’s not going to happen. In June, when I expected to get a letter informing me of our child’s assignment to morning or afternoon Kindergarten, I was mailed a letter which basically stated that they don’t know anything and will send a letter in August with some information. At least I received my letter, the two other families that I know in the same K got an empty envelope and a blank letter… Why bother with an expensive mailing – wasting paper, money, energy on nothing!

Well, now I find out in the school district newsletter that there will definitely not be midday busing, which is all fine and good for saving money, but I’ll have to wake up a napping kid and that does not make me happy. I vaguely recognize that schooling is not about keeping parents happy, but making things really inconvenient is not a good policy to keep enrollment up and money coming in when I, and others in my position, could easily and happily homeschool and save myself the hassle.

Now that I’ve gotten all that out in the open, I’ll just say that in our family “We choose to be joyful even when we feel like complaining.” That’s our family way for this week! (See Our 24 Family Ways) Ironic, I know. So, I’m all done and am now ready to be joyful. Maybe next time, I’ll be ready to be joyful without complaining first… I’ll work on it.

Last week, I was the speaker for the MOPS group that I attend. The topic I was asked to speak on was Healthy Living, which is something that I’m fairly passionate about. I was hesitant to commit for several reasons: Thaddeus had not made it through an entire MOPS meeting without needing me, I enjoy learning about healthy living, but am no expert nor do I want others to think I am (and hold me to some sort of standard), I hadn’t spoken in front of or taught a large group in many years and was frankly a little scared at the prospect of “teaching” my peers, I was a little concerned about when and how I would prepare for a talk as I can barely keep up with the laundry and the daily tasks involved in caring for three children, helping my hubby and keeping house, and the list goes on.

Yesterday, the speaker at the women’s retreat I attended shared a quote from Henry Blackaby, “I have come to the place in my life that, if the assignment I sense God is giving me is something that I know I can handle, I know it probably is not from God. The kind of assignments God gives in the Bible are always God-sized.” I don’t know if I agree with this statement for myself, but I do know that the MOPS speaking thing was something that I really couldn’t do on my own and yet I sensed clearly that God was asking this of me. So, I did it. It was a lot of work: 18-20 hours of total prep and practicing (and I know it didn’t have to be so much, but I am what some call an overachiever or perfectionist and don’t know how to stop!) But, truth be told, I really enjoyed it (aside from knowing that Thad had cried for an hour before he collapsed into a weary sleep).

However, I don’t think I’m ready to do anymore for a while and I’ll be returning to my little bubble at home focusing on the little ones I’ve been called to cuddle, correct, and otherwise care for…

Systems of organization used to be my forte, but now I feel like I’m in a perpetual whirlwind of piles and things to do. And yet, I choose not to do most of those things piled up and waiting to be done…

Today, my excuse was that the weather was too nice, so we had to go outside and play. The same will be true tomorrow. We are playing and growing and learning and sometimes doing the other stuff.

I like to think that I’ve changed in some way and matured – choosing to do the important over the urgent, but I still like to control everything and one day I hope that I’ll have it all under control too without doing any of the work…