Shannon Yee

Thaddeus and I have started on the more intention weaning path. Now, we are winding along very aimlessly most of the time, but every so often I am more determined and we make a little progress. Very early in the morning, Thaddeus silently climbs out of his crib, opens his bedroom door, leaves and closes the door behind him. Then, TJ comes into my room and climbs up in the bed with me and says very sweetly. “Dis. Mama, I want dis. Puweez. Puweez. (while signing please)” And, every morning, I say “Not until morning.” or “Fine.” It all depends how early and how tired I am. For me, morning is not until at least 5am, but we don’t get up until 7am, if we can help it. Thaddeus has been taking it in stride pretty well with a few whines and screams about how he really wants “DIS!” and then he settles back into his bed and sleeps for another hour or two until he repeats his wake up routine.

When we started nighttime weaning a few weeks ago, he woke every hour with this routine and returned to bed to sleep for exactly one hour until he awoke again…

Nursing a chid to sleep has many, many benefits, not the least of which is sleep for mom and baby. I still nurse my little one to sleep for naps and bedtime, but now he is going back to sleep on his own and I am sleeping soundly through the night, which also has many benefits.

It is sort of strange to recognize that the end of something that has been such an integral part of life for the last 6+ years will soon be coming. I still remember the very last time I nursed Eila, which is crazy as she had been nursing in the morning once every few days for a couple weeks and I asked Brian to take a picture since she probably wouldn’t nurse too many more times… well, that was the last time she did. With Josiah, things were different. He didn’t adjust his nursing as well as I would’ve liked when I got pregnant and I was going to be out of town for a few days, so I knew that the end was coming as I was taking lots of steps to ensure that the break was indeed the end. It could still be a while with Thad, but all good things must come to an end eventually. It’s nice to be able to appreciate it, even in the process.

On Monday, I will be fulfilling my civic duty and reporting downtown for jury duty. I am most distressed about this. I am still mostly exclusively nursing, since TJ doesn’t really eat any solids (although he does seem to like guacamole, pinto beans, and pancakes, so hopefully he won’t cry too much from hunger). I am really disappointed in this clear NO answer from God in my request to not go. I shouldn’t be surprised since every other avenue that I pursued (yes, I talked to my dr and this already a delay from last year’s summons) in getting out of this came up empty, but still I am. I’m also irritated at myself for being so selfish and ungrateful since jury duty is something that I should be proud to do, to serve in this simple way. My thoughtful husband tried to encourage me to recognize that I have something to learn from this all. I suppose he is right, again.

This is what I’ve been up to recently…

Me: (opening the door and getting a big whiff of calendula cream) Josiah, where is Thad’s diaper cream?
J: In there. (pointing to the air vent at the bottom of the wall)
Me: Where did you put all the cream? (finding the container, two marker lids, some paper and a few other toys in the vents)
J: On my arm.
Me: Wow. (feeling how smooth and soft his left arm is)

Me: Josiah, do you have to go to the bathroom?
J: No. (doing the pee-pee dance)
Me: Are you sure?
J: I DON”T HAVE TO GO!!!!
Me: Okay.
J: Mommy, I have to go potty! (very desperate)
Me: Then, go to the potty! You know, I just asked you. (I’m now sitting down nursing TJ)
J: Mommy, you come! I can’t do it.
Me: Yes, you can. GO!
J: MOMMY!
Me: Josiah!
J: HELP ME!
Me: You can do it. (I’m walking to the bathroom, watching him dance in front of the toilet). Pull your pants down.
J: I CAN’T. (holding a small key in one hand)
Me: Give me your key, and GO POTTY!
J: NOOOO!
Me: GET ON THE POTTY! (taking his key and pulling down his pants – yes, while still nursing)
J: Don’t yell at me, Mommy.
Me: (shaking my head and feeling very relieved that he went on the potty, but a little guilty for yelling, even though he did most of the yelling…)

Eila: When I grow up and I’m a mommy, you’ll be a grandma and you will be my mommy.
Me: Yup. That’s right.
E: I will drive a motorcycle.
Me: Oh, really. I’d rather you didn’t.
E: But, when I’m grown up I’ll be big and can drive a motorcycle and go really fast.
Me: That’s just what I’d rather you didn’t; I don’t like motorcycles. They scare me; people get hurt really badly on motorcycles.
E: Well, I won’t get hurt. Maybe I won’t drive a motorcycle… Does Trillion drive a motorcycle?
Me: I don’t know. Maybe, but I doubt it.
E: When I grow up and I’m a mommy, I’m going to name my daughter Trillion.

Along with countless amounts of preparing food and cleaning up and also watching Thad creep all around, spitting on everything…
It’s been good.

A friend of mine recently emailed me this link and asked for my take on it. I generally adhere to this sort of parenting philosophy that some would call Attachment Parenting for the beginning of life, but for the toddler/preschool years I like to think I have a parenting strategy, but really I’m just trying to make it through each day while showing and teaching love and responsibility.

The continuum concept basically seems to say that we are social beings who evolved to meet the expectations placed on us and we thrive when in loving relationships. I whole-heartedly agree that humans are social and designed for relationships, but by the Creator’s plan not evolutionary adaptation. I believe that God made us to be social beings who need physical contact from birth with immediate response to signals of needs in babies (ie. nursing on demand, co-sleeping, being in arms most of the time for the first 6 months). I also believe that humans are rotten to the core (in theological terms we are sinful from birth – that is total depravity).

So, the continuum concept asserts that the reason children fight and are selfish and demanding is because we are a child-centered culture. While this may be a confounding issue I do not see it being the sole reason nor do I think that by simply going about our adult responsibilities with kids watching that we will not have any of these attitude or behavior problems. That said, I do see that when my kids are secure in the knowledge that I am confident in my roles and responsibilities there are less battles – some of that I attribute to the fact that when I am doubting myself and insecure my kids (as social beings and wanting to meet the expectations of those caring for them) pick up on that.

All this rambling basically to say that I hope that parents will be in a loving relationship with their Creator and from Him draw strength and wisdom to love their kids and care for them – meeting their needs and shaping them into loving and responsible people. God’s grace and love are limitless to cover the limitless mistakes made. I guess that is my parenting philosophy: God-centered.

Tagged again… Consider your self tagged if you are interested and have a firstborn.

1. WAS YOUR PREGNANCY PLANNED?
Yes

2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME?
Yes

3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS?
Happy, excited…

4. WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU?
No, never

5. HOW OLD WERE YOU?
26

6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT?
A pregnancy test, but I’d been charting and knew based on temps and timing.

7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST?
We told both of our parents, but then no one else until quite a bit later.

8. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX?
Yes

9. DUE DATE?
January 19, 2005

10. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS?
No

11. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE?
Water

12.WHAT IRRITATED YOU?
Lots of stuff, but the same things that irritate me anyway.

13. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD’S SEX?
Female

14. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING?
No. I just wanted a healthy baby.

15. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY?
about 25

16. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER?
Yes

17. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW?
No surprises

18. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY?
No

19. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH?
Providence Alternative Birth Center

20. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR?
33

21. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL?
Brian

23. DID YOUR WATER BREAK NATURALLY?
Yes. Well, it didn’t really break as much as leak.

24. WAS IT VAGINAL OR C-SECTION?
Vaginal

25. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN?
No. I had a natural, wonderful birth experience.

26. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH?
Midwife, ABC nurses, and Brian.

27. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH?
6 lbs. 10 oz.

28. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN?
January 16, 2005 at 8:40am

29. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER?
Eila Rose Yee

30. BIGGEST SURPRISE DURING CHILDBIRTH?
No real surprises, but I guess my being in transition and wanting to push on the way to the hospital was a bit surprising.

31. GREATEST MEMORY ABOUT CHILDBIRTH?
The great support of my husband/coach and the thrill of actually holding a healthy baby in my arms.

31. DID YOU BREASTFEED?
Yes.

32. HOW OLD IS YOUR FIRST BORN TODAY?
She turned 4 about 2 weeks ago.

So, today was Josiah’s visit to the allergist and after two hours, I came away with a prescription for singulair and an epi-pen as well as a tired and hungry little boy, whose skin test showed no allergies. It seems strange to me that despite a clear skin test, the allergist felt that the evidence was strong enough for Josiah to need me to carry an epi-pen around everywhere we go. He went for a blood test too, but we’ll discuss those results in a month. In the meantime, we are to continue to stay away from dairy and also eggs now. Plus, Josiah is to get a bath of at least 30-minutes each and every day followed by lots of lotion.

I don’t know if I’ll fill the prescriptions, but the allergist made a good case for the singulair especially since Josiah seems to be getting a little cold now and that is a big trigger for his asthma. I hate to disboey orders and not follow directions, but at the same time my main role (IMO) as his mom is to take care of him as best I can. Part of taking care of Josiah includes not pumping him full of unnecessary drugs and also taking the steps needed to prevent the preventable (like breathing problems due to a cold.)

This past weekend was momentous for the Yees as it was the first time I left for more than a few hours. Brian took off two days from work while I traveled to Dallas for the MOPS Int’l Convention. I had a great time learning and gaining vision and perspective and having a little bit of time to refresh. The trip did result in the complete weaning of Josiah. There is nothing left for him to get, but he is still asking often. He seems okay with a chocolate (rice) milk substitute, even if a little disappointed. This means that I am able to resume a normal diet as full of dairy as I desire.

Eila is very hopeful that she will have a little sister in about 6 months. I am now over 14 weeks pregnant with baby #4 and Eila has been very clear that she would like this one to be a girl. We’ll find out on November 5, God willing, if she is going to get her wish. I am feeling pretty good, if a little bit tired. The kids have been really interested in the baby since we checked out a very informative book from the library (maybe a little TMI was included in the first reading, but Eila hasn’t seemed to notice the skipping of the middle since then!)

A while back, my pediatrician mentioned to me that it might be time to start weaning my 16-month old (who is now 18-months old), specifically at night…

Dr. Jack Newman writes an article about the nutritional benefits of extended breastfeeding, which my NP didn’t discredit, but did try to discount when I said I feel like I’d like him to get more of his milk from me than from a cow (not in those words, but you get the idea.)

kellymom says it best:

First, please ignore what everyone else says about your baby’s sleep habits and what is “normal.” These people are not living with you or your baby. Unless your doctor sleeps in the next room and your baby is keeping him awake every night, he has no reason to question a healthy baby’s sleep habits. If you and your baby enjoy nighttime feedings, then why not continue? It’s a great way to have time with her, particularly if you are apart during the day…
If the amount that your child sleeps and nurses at night isn’t a major problem for you, then there’s no reason to try to change anything. You are NOT doing a bad thing by nursing on demand; you are doing a wonderful thing for your baby. When you comfort baby at night, you are not teaching her a bad habit: you are teaching her that you are there for her when she needs you — Is security a bad habit?…
Your baby will begin to comfort herself and to sleep for longer stretches at her own developmental pace. If your baby wants to nurse at night, it is because she DOES need this, whether it’s because she is hungry or because she wants to be close to mom. Sleeping through the night is a developmental milestone (like walking or toilet training) that your baby will reach when she is ready to. Trying to force or coax baby to reach this before her time may result in other problems later on.

One of the comments on this Carnival of Breastfeeding post about sleep and breastfeeding answered the very question I have been wanting to know: When does breastfeeding at night become a habit vs. a need and who decides this? Her response was this:

Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor

I don’t know that there’s a particular age where it’s definitely considered a habit rather than a need, but from experience I can say it’s the point where the child responds positively to gentle efforts to night-wean. If the child resists night-weaning, then there’s still a “need” for night-nursing, whether that need is physical or psychological or due to teething or illness.

The one thing that made a big difference in stretching out the time between night-nursings for both my kids was a change in the bedtime routine, when they were each ready (around age 2). I would talk to them about the new plan (communication is key!), remind them about the new plan, and implement the new plan: nurse, brush teeth, read stories, sing songs and rest on my chest (or daddy’s) to settle to sleep. Putting the nursing first helped break the sleep association with nursing. As the child got older, we also talked about not nursing until the sun came up. The mum-mums were going to sleep until the sun came up, and once the sun came up the child could nurse again (in the meantime, after a reminder about the new plan, snuggles or water were offered as alternatives to night-nursing if the child woke).

Keep in mind that night-weaning is also not the complete end of night-waking. My five-year-old sleeps well most nights, but sometimes she still asks to come into the family bed in the middle of the night. There are still episodes of illness, and for my two-and-a-half-year-old, teething. The sleep situation improves a lot (I slept from 10 p.m. to 6:30 a.m. last night!!!) but there’s no guarantee of a good night’s sleep! Hang in there!

I don’t know how much longer I’ll be nursing, but I want to make sure Josiah, who doesn’t seem to want to eat too much, is getting nutrients that are easily absorbed. Especially since he can’t be bothered to eat most of what I offer him.

As far as weaning goes, I haven’t offered to nurse in a very long time, and I often offer food and or drinks when I’m asked, but I am too lazy to give up this built-in free and always ready and available comfort and nourishment. There are rules in place for when and where and how we nurse, but as of now, I’m not willing to just cut my kids off. Although, I’m entertaining the idea of a weaning party this summer.

So, for those of you who are wondering (and I know you are out there), yes, I’m still nursing and I am in the process of weaning (my children both eat solid food at least some of time), but see no end anytime soon.

Some women wonder how to lose all their baby weight and get back their girlish figure. This is what worked for me; it might work for you too:
1. Tandem Nursing
2. Exercise at least twice a week, especially while holding one or two kids (not including running after kids or walking with friends or at the zoo or shopping or cleaning.)
3. Drink a glass of water whenever you think you might be hungry, then eat.
4. Get the stomach flu, more than once really helps (but not much fun!)
5. Never weigh yourself.

There are some parts of my life that I wouldn’t trade with anyone – no matter what. Several moments like that occur everyday and I want to treasure and remember them! Here are few examples of precious events over the past two weeks… being the apple of my husband’s eye, vacuuming the rug with Eila and Josiah each using a toy vacuum to help, reading books in Eila’s bed while nursing Josiah, Brian taking care of everything so I could sleep for two days, waving to Josiah and that being the funniest thing he has ever seen, sharing zerberts with the kids and them spitting on me in return, ribbing Brian for wanting another computer, saying to Brian “what can I do to keep Josiah from falling out of the stroller?” as Joe slams his head into the cement at Zoo Boo, and hearing Eila say “I love you, Mommy!” and Josiah shake his head furiously and laugh “Nnno!”

I used to think that I was a balanced person who knew when to say no, even if I didn’t always know how to do so in the best way. But now, I am feeling very over-committed and am not sure how I got this way. What’s more I have still more things that I’d like to be involved in and yet know that I really cannot do anything else.

A wise woman (my mom) recently chided me that it’s better to do one thing well than to do a million things. That gentle reminder has been haunting me as I have been praying over and deciding what and how to do everything. There are lots of areas of life that I am passionate about and even more that I’m interested in and even more that I like might be cool. Some of these include: almost anything my husband cares deeply about or is pursuing for the moment (photography, music, astronomy & space travel, but not computer games), mothering and helping mothers, discipleship, language learning and teaching, breastfeeding, scripture study and memorization, being healthy – exercise and food, and especially building relationships with family and friends.

I can’t do everything, but I want to. It seems like the trick is to figure out how to make as many of my interests overlap as possibly, so that I can do it all. Really, I think the trick is being content with what God has for me right now and not running ahead or lagging behind him. I really am like a toddler in *so* many ways. If only I could master that favorite word of toddlers! Hee hee.

Of course, there are some things, I have no trouble saying no to, but those are probably the things I should be saying yes to!