Shannon Yee

I just woke up and can’t seem to stop sobbing. I feel so hurt, angry, shocked and for no reason (I hope) at all. I had a terrible dream about a broken/betrayed relationship and feel exactly that: broken and betrayed. It is shocking how real it was and how in my dream I went through the emotions and actions that I probably would in real life. I hope to never experience this again (in dream or real life) and am wondering if it has anything to do with a prayer I prayed as I fell asleep for God to be my only source of significance…

So, I thought toddlers were supposed to have separation anxiety or at least notice when their mothers leave them for any length of time.

Brian and I went to a wedding this weekend and left Eila for the first time overnight. She stayed with my sister at my mom’s, so Grandma and Aunt Amber were fighting over taking care of her. I’m sure there was no lack of love and attention, but still, I thought she’d be a little excited to see us again, especially her mom. Alas, I was mistaken, because Eila was actually a little upset that we were back and trying to end the fun at the park. I’m still trying not to let it hurt my feelings. Once we got back home, she was more affectionate and even cuddled with me for a few minutes.
I was a little afraid that I would be the one with separation anxiety since this was her first extended time away from me since I became a mother. Honestly, I did pretty well. It was a little stressful when Amber called and asked how to get into our house (we forgot to leave her a key, oops!), but Eila did fine at Grandma’s, and the wedding reception was a great distraction for me. I only cried a bit and that was mostly because of the movie we were watching.

Is anyone else tired? I have been getting what many would consider more than sufficient amounts of sleep… about 8 hours a night, but I’m still completely exhausted every afternoon. I took a 15-minute nap this morning and still want another one now. Is this laziness? pregnancy? old age? motherhood?

This past weekend was the Country Music Marathon in Nashville, complete with a half-marathon as well. So, some friends and I – along with our husbands and kids, decided to walk 13.1 miles for fun. It was fun. I guess most marathons are the basically the same with the differences being locale, weather and difficulty of the course. The atmosphere was very similar to the Detroit Free Press Marathon that I ran in 2003. Running fans are great everywhere.

I must admit that walking the half was more than half as bad as running the full. It took almost as long to walk and so my feet were equally as sore. Plus, being pregnant and weighing a little more, I think it influenced my physical fitness level a bit more than I imagined it would. Don’t get me wrong, running a marathon is a lot harder than walking half that distance, but walking was much harder than I anticipated. Both, though, are very rewarding and I hope to compete again someday.

I love the computer for its convenience and ease of finding information, but I have very mixed feelings about shopping online.

It is so stressful to me. I like to be able to see all the angles and hold and test things that I might buy. For example, I wanted to get a book for a friend who is newly pregnant; however, I had to read a ton of different people’s opinions about the books rather than just looking through the book and coming up with my own opinion. (I had a coupon for amazon.com that I wanted to use.) Also, I’ve been looking for a new stroller and again have read hundreds of other people’s opinions on various strollers and they have been helpful, but what I really want is to push the stroller around and try it out. You might wonder why I don’t just go do that… Well, I would, except that most stores don’t carry more than one type of the stroller that I’m searching for and in general it is not put together. So, shopping in the traditional sense isn’t even really an option in this case. Plus, several of the strollers are available only online. How crazy is that!?

Shopping online is also totally comfortable. I am able to do the research to find a good deal, which I enjoy and sit at home while Eila is sleeping peacefully. I don’t have to worry about how long I am taking and that she might get fussy or need something, because if anything comes up, I can just continue shopping later, picking up exactly where I left off.

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don’t understand our partner’s requirements, or even our own. We all have a “love tank” that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

If you had one year and could do anything at all, what would you do? Where would you go?

I have always prided myself on being someone who lives according to her convictions. A life based on values and priorities not just letting things happen. Somehow, I am not sure that this is still true of me. I want it to be true, but I am not sure that it is.

There are a few reasons for this doubt:

1) I’m very tired and busy chasing my dear toddler many days and therefore don’t do what I have planned.

2) I am not planning my days. There are many days when I look back and feel like I could’ve and should’ve been more deliberate and productive with the time given me.

3) I’m not entirely sure what I value or want my priorities to be at this point.

On the other hand, I feel like I’m living more in line with my values and priorities than ever.

There are several reasons for this confidence:

1) I’m very tired and busy chasing my dear toddler and don’t do all the things I have planned (ie. cleaning, cooking, exercising, etc.)

2) I am not planning my days completely. Instead, I am allowing the special moments of Eila’s days to be just that rather than a series of activities and events and things to accomplish.

3) I know that I do value time with people and training Eila in godly ways, and am spending my time in these pursuits, but little else.

Basically, I am a little confused about if my life is being lived to its fullest or if I should be making changes to ensure an authentic and purpose-filled life. I guess I need to spend a little more time in communion with God over this one because He is the One with the plan for my life, not me…

Some blogs are full of people’s deep thoughts – a public journal. I find these extremely interesting to read and yet do not in the least feel comfortable writing such entries or even commenting on them.

Other blogs are superficial – a daily planner/calendar. In some cases, these can be interesting, but most people just don’t do anything that fascinating on a daily or even monthly basis, so again I don’t really want to write or comment on this type of blog.

Still other blogs are a mixture and or only write “interesting” daily events. Usually, these blogs are not frequently updated or read…

I don’t really know what type of blogger I’d like to be. I guess somewhere in the mixture category and as I don’t have a lot of free time or don’t make time for blogging, I probably won’t be updating that regularily (as you may have already figured out!) I think it would be fun for friends and strangers alike to read my thoughts and ramblings and comment occasionally, but I’m okay just writing for myself too.

Today is the day I sit at the computer and my bathroom gets cleaned… For my birthday, I got the gift of someone cleaning my house. This is fabulous.