Shannon Yee

I am always learning and want to always continue learning. This week these are some things that I’ve learned:

Eila notices and remembers everything – or at least much more than I previously gave her credit for.Josiah needs a routine too.

Hiding God’s word in my heart really does help me not sin against Him.

If I want to leave the house with everyone dressed, I have to take each person to the car as soon as s/he is ready to go or start the process over from the beginnning.

Patience may be a virtue, but it is not one of mine.

Brian doesn’t like me telling him what to do.

Eila doesn’t like that either.

Asking forgiveness is hard, but extending grace is just as tough.

Being forgiven and forgiving are amazing gifts and worth every ounce of effort.

I feel lost without email; sad, eh?

The more I pray, the more I want to pray.

Laundry does not take care of itself.

Neither do the dishes or any household cleaning tasks.

Saying “I’m so happy!” can make things seem a lot better than they did before, even if they aren’t any better. It helps to lift your hands up to the sky and smile while saying this, and even add a little hop.

I don’t like changes. I am coming to realize that when things change it can be hard, and there are lots of changes happening all around me all the time. Some changes are good and yet they can still be very difficult, like, for instance, a marriage or new baby. Some changes are good for some and not others, like a friend moving away. Some changes seem bad all around, like an illness or loss.

I am dealing with all of these types of changes. Josiah is a great baby, but adjusting to have two kids is still work and I’m not always sure what to do or how to manage. I, believe it or not, have lost my cool a few times and don’t like to not be in control and perfect. One of my closest friend is almost definitely moving to Boulder in a very short time. I know that our relationship won’t be the same. We’ll keep in touch, but it is never the same as when you meet together in person regularly. That’s really sad to me. I’m still trying to adjust to my sister moving across the country… Change is hard, but usually exactly what we need. Who would want to live a life that’s the same all the time? It’s great to make new friends and move on in what God has next for us. Obedience is better than security or comfort.

Lately, I’ve been hearing terrible stories from different sources about the losses and hard times that various people are enduring. A lot of the tragic losses are related to pregnancy and/or young babies. It is heart-wrenching to hear and think about such horrific pain.

At church, we’ve been studying the life of Moses, and I was struck by the horror of the plaques in Egypt, especially the death of the firstborn. It has always seemed awful, but the thought of losing a child at any age now has a deeper significance to me. I cannot imagine the pain of God the Father in sending his son, Jesus, to be a sacrifice for all of us messed up folks. What amazing love He has for me!

So, my perspective is shifting from complaining about myself and wanting to be done with this pregnancy to thanking God for the growing baby inside of me who is almost always moving. (Not that I wasn’t grateful before, but just not as grateful and amazed as I am now.) I’m starting my days with praise and fighting hard against the regular urges to think things need to be my way.

I just woke up and can’t seem to stop sobbing. I feel so hurt, angry, shocked and for no reason (I hope) at all. I had a terrible dream about a broken/betrayed relationship and feel exactly that: broken and betrayed. It is shocking how real it was and how in my dream I went through the emotions and actions that I probably would in real life. I hope to never experience this again (in dream or real life) and am wondering if it has anything to do with a prayer I prayed as I fell asleep for God to be my only source of significance…