Shannon Yee

After about 2 months of staying clear of all milk proteins and even adding a slight avoidance of eggs for the past week, Josiah seems to be all cleared up and we’ve all adjusted pretty well to the change. Eila knows that her brother cannot have ice cream, cheetos, or goldfish and won’t share them with him even if he says “peas”. Josiah doesn’t seem to understand that he can’t have cheetos or ranch or cheese sticks, but loves the Tofutti Better Than Cream Cheese and so do I. I also really like the Earth Balance vegan buttery spread. I don’t like Rice Dream – it does not taste like any kind of ice cream I’d eat!

I’ve learned a lot about the things that go into food and that eating at a restaurant or another person’s house is a real pain with a food allergy. I always feel like we’re imposing and being difficult, even when I bring own our food – of course, then I just feel like I’m being ungrateful and rude, but really I’m just trying to do what is best for Josiah.

It is hard and last week, I really wanted to quit, but he has had a couple of times where he had some of Eila’s dairy-full food and then had some sort of adverse reaction, so it seems to me that the sacrifices and inconvenience are worth the health and well-being of my little boy. It could be so much worse… he could need to stay away from dairy, eggs, gluten, and soy – and then we’d only be able to eat fruits and veggies, which might be healthy, but hard since it seems like Josiah is a strict carnivore, unless ketchup counts as a vegetable.

We picked up our second 1/2-bushel of produce as part of a CSA farm share and also got some strawberries, asparagus and carrots from another farmer this morning. Our produce so far has consisted of radishes, zucchini, yellow squash, mixed lettuce greens, collard greens, spinach, broccoli, and a gigantic head of cabbage as well as a dozen delicious eggs.

I have found all the food to be top rate in taste as well as enjoy getting a weekly email update from the farm with what is happening there. I don’t usually like radishes, but these were pretty good. The spinach, lettuce and zucchini tasted great to me and the greens were even good sauteed in garlic and olive oil. We didn’t use the cabbage yet and am not really sure what to do with it as I am not a fan of cole slaws… The broccoli was used in a pasta dish with the other veggies and some pepperoni, oil and garlic that I will probably make again, since it was quick, simple and yummy. Last week, I also tried this with the addition of spinach and really enjoyed it tossed with spaghetti.

If you have any fabulous, easy recipes with these ingredients (that are also dairy-free), I’d love to try them!

A while back, my pediatrician mentioned to me that it might be time to start weaning my 16-month old (who is now 18-months old), specifically at night…

Dr. Jack Newman writes an article about the nutritional benefits of extended breastfeeding, which my NP didn’t discredit, but did try to discount when I said I feel like I’d like him to get more of his milk from me than from a cow (not in those words, but you get the idea.)

kellymom says it best:

First, please ignore what everyone else says about your baby’s sleep habits and what is “normal.” These people are not living with you or your baby. Unless your doctor sleeps in the next room and your baby is keeping him awake every night, he has no reason to question a healthy baby’s sleep habits. If you and your baby enjoy nighttime feedings, then why not continue? It’s a great way to have time with her, particularly if you are apart during the day…
If the amount that your child sleeps and nurses at night isn’t a major problem for you, then there’s no reason to try to change anything. You are NOT doing a bad thing by nursing on demand; you are doing a wonderful thing for your baby. When you comfort baby at night, you are not teaching her a bad habit: you are teaching her that you are there for her when she needs you — Is security a bad habit?…
Your baby will begin to comfort herself and to sleep for longer stretches at her own developmental pace. If your baby wants to nurse at night, it is because she DOES need this, whether it’s because she is hungry or because she wants to be close to mom. Sleeping through the night is a developmental milestone (like walking or toilet training) that your baby will reach when she is ready to. Trying to force or coax baby to reach this before her time may result in other problems later on.

One of the comments on this Carnival of Breastfeeding post about sleep and breastfeeding answered the very question I have been wanting to know: When does breastfeeding at night become a habit vs. a need and who decides this? Her response was this:

Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor

I don’t know that there’s a particular age where it’s definitely considered a habit rather than a need, but from experience I can say it’s the point where the child responds positively to gentle efforts to night-wean. If the child resists night-weaning, then there’s still a “need” for night-nursing, whether that need is physical or psychological or due to teething or illness.

The one thing that made a big difference in stretching out the time between night-nursings for both my kids was a change in the bedtime routine, when they were each ready (around age 2). I would talk to them about the new plan (communication is key!), remind them about the new plan, and implement the new plan: nurse, brush teeth, read stories, sing songs and rest on my chest (or daddy’s) to settle to sleep. Putting the nursing first helped break the sleep association with nursing. As the child got older, we also talked about not nursing until the sun came up. The mum-mums were going to sleep until the sun came up, and once the sun came up the child could nurse again (in the meantime, after a reminder about the new plan, snuggles or water were offered as alternatives to night-nursing if the child woke).

Keep in mind that night-weaning is also not the complete end of night-waking. My five-year-old sleeps well most nights, but sometimes she still asks to come into the family bed in the middle of the night. There are still episodes of illness, and for my two-and-a-half-year-old, teething. The sleep situation improves a lot (I slept from 10 p.m. to 6:30 a.m. last night!!!) but there’s no guarantee of a good night’s sleep! Hang in there!

I don’t know how much longer I’ll be nursing, but I want to make sure Josiah, who doesn’t seem to want to eat too much, is getting nutrients that are easily absorbed. Especially since he can’t be bothered to eat most of what I offer him.

As far as weaning goes, I haven’t offered to nurse in a very long time, and I often offer food and or drinks when I’m asked, but I am too lazy to give up this built-in free and always ready and available comfort and nourishment. There are rules in place for when and where and how we nurse, but as of now, I’m not willing to just cut my kids off. Although, I’m entertaining the idea of a weaning party this summer.

So, for those of you who are wondering (and I know you are out there), yes, I’m still nursing and I am in the process of weaning (my children both eat solid food at least some of time), but see no end anytime soon.

Just in case, you haven’t had enough of my thoughts on discipline, I thought I’d describe a few very typical scenarios in our house.

In the mornings when we need to get somewhere in a timely matter, it can be a little bit of a struggle if the children and I are not working towards the same goal (namely for me: getting ready and leaving on time; and usually for them: have fun & possibly also eat). Pro-actively, I will attempt to make our getting ready as much fun as possible. We might play a game of who can get dressed fastest or make a silly face while getting dressed. We might also sing a song about cleaning up or putting on shoes. In deciding what to wear, warnings and choices are of utmost with Eila. I’ll usually tell her: “We need to get ready for preschool, so in two minutes we are going to go to the bathroom and then get dressed. Would you like to wear pants or a dress?” She almost always chooses dress, so then we head to the closet and I pick out two and say: “Would you like the dog dress or the circle dress?” or she will immediately tell me which one she prefers, and I rarely care. If I want her to wear pants; I will specify why and give her the pick of the drawer. She is much more likely to be agreeable and cooperate with my goal in this way. The GBD 5 Steps are a great tool for when choices aren’t working. Step 4 is to help her and so I do. I’ll get out her clothes and help her put them on so that we can leave when we need to – hopefully, not in a mean way, but because she isn’t able to do it herself, just like I help Josiah.

Another troublesome issue for many folks is eating. I really like the idea that I control when and where my child eats and s/he controls how much. I choose what s/he can eat and she chooses what (from what’s in front of her) s/he does eat. For Eila, this works great because she likes to eat and is almost always hungry. She enjoys a wide variety of foods and is willing to try one bite (which is sort of a rule) of anything and almost always wants more after that first bite, but if not that’s fine. Josiah, on the other hand, does not eat well. So for him, I offer the same wide variety that the rest of us eat with at least one food that I know he likes each day. I offer him foods whenever he asks and it’s reasonable (this is the same for Eila), which is usually every 2 hours. If he wants to eat, he must do so at the table, but since sitting for more than 30 seconds is beyond his ability at this time, he can come and go as often as he likes until I put the food away (usually when Eila is done eating.) As for attempting to break the eating protocol, it’s very simply taking food away. In most cases, the kids are done eating anyway and if not, they can try again by sitting at the table and behaving appropriately and get their food back without much ado. It works very well. I tend not to stress about messes while eating, but if they are goofing off, they are done because I don’t like to clean unnecessarily (or really at all.) We try to act in the way that we want the kids to act and they want to act like us, so it works out.

When the kids don’t listen and don’t obey, when they hit each other, climb on dressers, throw hard & pointy objects and put valuables in the dirty toilet, when they whine, cry, yell, or act disrespectfully and unlovingly (is this even a word – you know what I mean), what happens?
Often there are several phases in the process.

Recently, Josiah has been going through a bit of a challenging stage – testing limits over and over again. He is climbing up the dresser and standing on top, looking out the window or just admiring the new perspective. At first I took him down and clearly told him “NO! You may not climb on the dresser. You can climb on the couch or on the bed.” Then, when he did it again, we repeated this with several “NO”s and put him in his crib for a bit. When he did it again, we repeated the admonition and he stood in the corner for a brief time out. When he did it again (the third time in just 6 waking hours), he went in his crib for a full minute with a simple “No!”. He now says “No, No, No” after he climbs up, which shows me that he at least knows that this is not okay, but isn’t able to stop himself, so if he does it again, I’ll move the dresser. I hope I won’t have to.

Now, Eila is an exceptionally whiny child when she is tired. Most of the time, she is extremely well-spoken for a preschooler, but when tired, she barely manages 2-3 words together and uses either a baby voice or a whiny voice, neither of which I have much patience for. As she has gotten older and I’ve gotten a little bit wiser, things have changed… I used to get really annoyed and just lose it. Now, it takes a bit longer for me to lose it, and before I do, I usually will do a few things to help her cope. First, I offer food or sleep or potty. If she doesn’t choose, I might choose for her by saying: “Do you need to go potty? (wait for answer) Let’s have a little snack or would you like to go back to sleep. If you can’t decide or ask nicely, I’ll just tuck you back in bed.” In the event that she is still cranky after a bowl of cereal- her favorite snack, I offer a little cuddle with Mama (which is often what she really wants, but can’t voice it). When Eila is whining at a store or friend’s house, I’ll simply talk to her calmly (sometimes) with two choices: speak with a nice voice and clearly say what she wants or play/sit/walk quietly. If that doesn’t work, we wrap up and head home as soon as possible because she needs to sleep! When we get home, I’ll put her in her room and let her change into pajamas if she wants (and she always does), then say: “You can read books quietly in your bed or sleep in your bed – I’d like you to sleep, but whichever you do is fine. We all need to take a break for a bit.”

Finally, the sticky issue of other people’s kids… I like the policy of each person taking care of their own kid. When someone hurts my kid, though, it’s really hard not to want to “help” the other parent. I have to resist because I know that each mom knows her kid best and what works with him/her, and plus, I need to take care of my own hurt kid. If I’m watching someone else’s kids, they are have the same rules and respect that my kids do – with a little more grace. The golden rule “Treat others as you want to be treated” works with parenting too.

Basically, where there is love, grace abounds and so do limits that have to be enforced. The more I learn, the more I have to adjust my expectations and know that I have more to learn!

Some women wonder how to lose all their baby weight and get back their girlish figure. This is what worked for me; it might work for you too:
1. Tandem Nursing
2. Exercise at least twice a week, especially while holding one or two kids (not including running after kids or walking with friends or at the zoo or shopping or cleaning.)
3. Drink a glass of water whenever you think you might be hungry, then eat.
4. Get the stomach flu, more than once really helps (but not much fun!)
5. Never weigh yourself.

Last year was the first time I “gave up something for Lent”. Having grown up in a Baptist and then Presbyterian church, I didn’t really know much about Lent at all except that my Catholic school friends didn’t eat meat on Fridays or eat chocolate in the month or so before Easter. It seemed strange, but sparked no further musings at that time.

In college, I read Richard Foster’s fabulous book The Celebration of Discipline, which made me start to think about fasting and prayer as more than just something that real fanatics would do. More recently, as a nursing woman fasting isn’t really a healthy option for me, so I wanted to do a sort of modified prayer and fast. In the end, I decided to fast from something that I had regularly and use that time to meditate on Scriptures and pray. I realized that this is exactly what Lent is all about.

Fasting is a way to focus on Christ and the sacrifice He made for people everywhere to have a right relationship with God. Giving something up for Lent is really fasting and preparing for the celebration of Christ’s death and victory over death and all evil in His resurrection – a time when many people who might be really in need of hope might be likely to look in the only place they’ll find the real deal.

So, again this year, I’m fasting and praying with a focus on family. Last year, I gave up cookies, which was really tough. This year is proving to be an equally well-chose vice: hot chocolate. Apparently, I have been drinking a cup of hot cocoa every night this winter and so now I won’t be drinking my hot chocolate, but I will be enjoying a time of refreshing and warmth with my God despite the cold around me.

Are you giving anything up for Lent?

I actually am not sure if the milk man is a man or woman, but I am proudly now part of those having local dairy products delivered to their door weekly. Each Monday, Calder Dairy, brings what I want or need right to my house. I am especially excited about the whole idea and love it!

I love supporting the local economy and not having to go the store for these things that I often need each week. The idea of it all seems fresher and healthier than buying it at the store; although, I doubt there is much to this vague feeling I have. The products we’ve gotten so far (2 types of milk and cottage cheese) are fabulous. I also love that it comes in a glass jar, so there is no waste.

This is another way I am going backwards in time – first cloth diapering and now milk delivery – what could be next?

Sometimes I wonder what I do as a stay at home mom… I’m at home very little, so the title in itself is a bit off, but maybe I should be home more. I’ve been thinking lately that having kids so young is really fun when I take the time to enjoy them and play with them – doing what they want, which is to play with me, while we are at home. Often when we’re at home, I need to cook, clean, or they need to eat or sleep. There could be a lot more time for playing if I looked for it rather than trying to move ahead with my plan for the day.

For instance, this past week was VBS, which was amazing in so many ways, but we were out of the house by 8:45am and gone until 12noon every morning. When we got back, it was lunch, then naps, snacks, and then whatever I had planned – shopping, errands, meeting with various people, but no playtime. As soon as we got back again, it was dinner time and then time to sleep. I know that this week was an exceptionally busy week, but I still can’t help but wonder if I’m just letting good opportunities to have fun and enjoy this time with my kids pass me by.

This fall we’ll have something almost every morning, every week and several afternoon commitments too. I don’t want to miss out on the next year, so I think I need to start really evaluating what fits in with our family priorities and then cutting out things that don’t matter as much or where the timing isn’t right. A few years ago, I made a list of 5 life goals/priorities and they still hold true. The test is if I can really be honest about the opportunities and their value to the goals that I believe God has for my life. One of those goals is to be a loving wife and mother, which for me, can only be done by being at home – really being at home.

I’ve been reading about kids doing chores and wondering what age and what types of chores are good for starting out. It appears that many people (ok, maybe not many, but at least a couple of parents) start their toddlers with simple chores, like “helping” with laundry, emptying the dishwasher, setting the table and cleaning up, dusting, and even making beds.

At our house, we don’t make beds, but maybe it would be a good thing to start now – Josiah could do his bed as there isn’t much to do and Eila could pull up her blankets, I think she might even like it. For laundry, Eila already occasionally helps me transfer loads from washer to dryer and I heard that some kids really enjoy cleaning out the lint trap. Josiah seems to love the dishwasher, at least as a climbing gym, and Eila knows where the silverware go and helps when she is in the mood. I don’t trust her to help with setting the table and clearing it, but would like her to try to take care of her place at the table. So, I guess it’s time to make a chart or at least a list of chores and remember to include Eila in these activities.

I found a fabulous website for just this sort of thing and I may sign up and keep track online. I’ll probably do rewards, but not allowance at this point. I never got an allowance growing up, but it might be good for older kids in learning to budget and handle money. We’ll see as we get to that point. For now, Eila thinks that stickers are the coolest, and nothing in the world could be ice cream as a reward. One reward I might try is letting her choose books to read or videos or something like that; I don’t want food to be the only reward – something I personally struggle with.

I used to think that I was a balanced person who knew when to say no, even if I didn’t always know how to do so in the best way. But now, I am feeling very over-committed and am not sure how I got this way. What’s more I have still more things that I’d like to be involved in and yet know that I really cannot do anything else.

A wise woman (my mom) recently chided me that it’s better to do one thing well than to do a million things. That gentle reminder has been haunting me as I have been praying over and deciding what and how to do everything. There are lots of areas of life that I am passionate about and even more that I’m interested in and even more that I like might be cool. Some of these include: almost anything my husband cares deeply about or is pursuing for the moment (photography, music, astronomy & space travel, but not computer games), mothering and helping mothers, discipleship, language learning and teaching, breastfeeding, scripture study and memorization, being healthy – exercise and food, and especially building relationships with family and friends.

I can’t do everything, but I want to. It seems like the trick is to figure out how to make as many of my interests overlap as possibly, so that I can do it all. Really, I think the trick is being content with what God has for me right now and not running ahead or lagging behind him. I really am like a toddler in *so* many ways. If only I could master that favorite word of toddlers! Hee hee.

Of course, there are some things, I have no trouble saying no to, but those are probably the things I should be saying yes to!