Shannon Yee

Some friends and I are starting up a portable preschool co-op for our two-year-olds. This adventure seemed to us like a good idea. We have a wealth of resources – moms who are trained teachers and love kids, homes where we can meet, books, puzzles, toys, music, art supplies, creativity, and of course, energetic children. And, it is a lot less expensive that a Christian preschool or the International one where I was considering sending Eila (and may still at a later time).
Originally, we planned to have one mom teach and one mom assist, but it turns out that we all need to be present to control our children and establish the routine, so for a while we are all meeting (with younger siblings) and trying to learn how to do preschool. We will transition to the two adults to five kids ratio, but it’s still a bit unrealistic.
Fortunately, we all seem to share similar expectations for what the kids can do and learn. It is fun seeing them adjust to circletime, sitting and listening as well as participating and raising their hands. They love to dance and sing and eat (who doesn’t) and are getting better at sharing and taking turns. I wonder how long until we can start doing more than one story during circletime. I bet it would go better if three of the teachers weren’t wearing babies as well as trying to teach and coral toddlers…

I made my return to racing last night with a 5k in Novi. It was a perfect night to run/race and I had no excuse not to go, so I went. It was fun to be at a race, even though I was on my own. The running community is pretty friendly and I saw a couple people I knew from other places. I must admit that running these 3.1 miles was much harder than I anticipated. It has been a few weeks since I’ve run and the course is really flat, so I figured it would be easy and feel great. That wasn’t exactly right. I felt beat up and more than a little sick. It was not easy, but I did finish in under 29 minutes, so it definitely could’ve been worse. After I ate and rested a bit, I am ready for another race. Maybe, this time I’ll try to run a little more beforehand.

It really works. I find it very cheesy to practice and be practiced on, but I always feel listened to and cared for. It is especially helpful in difficult relationships or situations. Everyone has times where you just don’t know how to respond to someone, but reflective listening has really helped reduce these occurrences for me. Reflective Listening is a technique to really listen and love others. The basic idea is that you start with a hedger and then state the feeling and thought of what you just heard.

I often want Brian to listen to me, to help me problem solve, to care and share in my life & experiences. The most helpful use for me recently has been when a friend has been gossiping. I used to never know what to say and still frequently forget or don’t think to really listen, but when I do, the gossip changes from gossip about someone else to really sharing about self and growing up personally. It is a privilege to be able to participate in someone’s growth just by listening and caring for them, especially when it could have been a very negative situation resulting in hurt and pain.
Here are some other useful articles on reflective listening:

from Communication in Organizations

7 Don’ts

Are You Listening? (PDF)

Hard, but necessary. I always like to be right and fight hard to prove that I am even when I really know that I’m not. I tend to believe the lie that if I’m wrong, I’m a failure and deserve to be punished or at the very least not to be loved.

I recently made one of my more obnoxious attempts to be right despite all evidence to the contrary. Eila, however, is just as determined as I am and proved me wrong. She was NOT ready to be done with her pacifier, despite my frustration with her having it. She simply could not adjust to all the changes that have occurred in the past few weeks – moving out of her crib, then into a twin bed and then no pacifier. Losing her pacifier was the straw that broke the camels back. Eila just went right over the edge into crazy, crazy toddler. She couldn’t cope and couldn’t or wouldn’t sleep without her pacifier, so instead she’d just cry. This constant screaming made me crazy as well and this is not a good combination. In the end, I had to apologize to Eila for trying to make her grow up too fast and depriving her of sleep and getting angry at her for not meeting my expectations and demands. Fortunately, she was all too glad to have her pacifier back that she quickly forgave me and said a heartfelt “Thank you” as she climbed under the covers and went straight to sleep.

Just think, if I weren’t so stupid and stubborn, we all could’ve slept lots more in the past two weeks and saved ourselves a lot of irritation! All in the name of being right…

I enjoy exercise. Most people who know me won’t be surprised at that claim. I really like doing workout videos and the stationary bike as well as lifting weights or attending an aerobics or yoga or dance class. I especially like running or walking or rollerblading or biking outside and with a friend. One of the things I like about exercise is the way that I feel after – not the tired, thirsty, sweaty part, but after the shower and rehydration. I like feeling like I’ve done something good for myself and had fun doing it; I feel like I can do anything and have the energy and stamina to achieve my goals. If I’ve spent that time with a friend, I feel productive and usually loved or cared for as well as hopefully good about sharing life and love with someone else. Probably my favorite part of exercise is the indulgence that I allow myself at the next meal. I really enjoy eating and when I’m exercising I have a better appetite and more fully appreciate and savor my meals (and desserts, occasionally).

My plan was to start running outside again on March 1st after a long hiatus (because of pregnancy & then a cold, snowy winter). Unfortunately, the cold, snowy winter hasn’t ended and seems to be picking up steam. So, I guess I’ll just have to wait. I will run with my kids in the double jogging stroller, so it need to be at least 45ºF before I feel that it’s not cruel and unusual punishment for them. Our first goal is to train for a 5K run in April. If we can get a good start soon, maybe I’ll even try to run the 10K…

I’ve always been able to discipline myself to exercise my body, if only I could stay in shape mentally and spiritually as well… I guess I should take the hint and go read a little to exercise my heart and mind.

I have been trying for some time to get my children on the same or at least somewhat overlapping nap schedule and today I have succeeded! It is wonderful to have a little time to myself during the day and do a few things on my ever-growing list. But, first I procrastinate by chattering on and on about how I have a few minutes of time while both of my beloved children nap… I suppose that having quiet might be something that others would try to escape or fill. I am not like those people. I enjoy not hearing anything at all – except right now the click-clack of the keys on the keyboard and the final spin of the washer with an occasional bang from the overalls in the dryer. However, when I’ve said my bit here, I’m going to go read a chapter or two and curl up with in the easy chair with no noise (I’m not even going to change the laundry!) Peacefulness is, of course, a gift from our great God and He has blessed my heart with peace even while Eila spent a good portion of the morning crying because she was hungry, but didn’t want to eat and Josiah fussed because he has a cold and is generally uncomfortable. So, I’m off to relish the peace and quiet in the house while it lasts.

When a person understand two language but speaks only one of them they are considered to be a passive bilingual.

I am very sad to say it, but I am contemplating giving up on Eila as she has entered that passively bilingual stage that can last a lifetime (literally) and it is harder and harder to continue speaking to her in a minority language that is not my first language especially when she responds in another language. I spend a lot of time mixing the languages already and it irritates and confuses me, so I can only imagine what her brain is doing to sort it all out.

Right now, Eila is learning gobs and gobs of new words and phrases each day. This is very excited and extremely helpful in understanding what she wants and needs. Yet, I’m finding myself a little more disappointed at the end of each day as I realize that her vocabulary in English is already almost as good as mine in French. It’s also discouraging because she almost always responds in English. When she learns a new word in French, she’ll use it until she learns that word in English and then she drops the French word for the English. For example, last week when it snowed, we talked all about “la neige” and Eila blabbed on and on about water and cold and snow in French and then she learned that “la neige” is snow in English and I haven’t heard a thing in French, but she is talking about snow in English at least once a day.

Intellectually, I realized that this was the way it would most likely be. This is the standard way that kids in a bilingual home with a minority language spoken at home function. This is why so many parents give up (especially when they also know the majority language well and don’t see a great need or use for the minority language in everyday life). It is hard to speak to your kids in one language when they respond in a different language. It sort of messes with the brain and strange combinations of both languages come out.

Emotionally, though, I’m feeling discouraged and even a little like I fighting a losing battle. I see the benefits and have already put in a lot of work, but wonder if it isn’t a waste of energy and brainpower. There are so many things that I want to teach my kids and among the most important are things like: loving God and others and being respectful and kind. Speaking another language is a nice thing, but not essential for the end result of a person who loves God with all heart, soul, body, and mind.

For now, I continue to speak in French and hope that it will do more good than harm for Eila’s development. She’s learning lots of sign language too and using that frequently, so we’ll see what God has in store for us.

To read more about passive bilingualism, see:

http://www.multilingual-matters.net/beb/005/beb0050162.htm
http://www.bklein.de/buc_categorize.html
http://www.ascac.org/papers/bilingualism.html
http://www.terralingua.org/DiscPapers/DiscPaper4.html

There is a first time for everything. Today was my first time to be thrown up on by someone other than myself. I didn’t like it at all, but I didn’t join in, which is much better than I’d ever expected. There is some truth to that being a mom and not being bothered by some things as much. You just have to hold your breath and do what needs to be done.

Yesterday was Eila’s first time really seeing snow (at least that she can remember). She was hilarious. I’ve never seen anyone so excited about snow. I always enjoy watching the first snow, but driving in it isn’t the best. Well, we were taking a trip to the mall and the entire car ride was spent talking about the snow and how it’s cold and windy and pretty and white and basically just wonderful! It was refreshing to be reminded of the beauty around me in such a simple way. Eila was even more excited when we played in the snow for a few minutes after we got back home.

The first time that I knew my baby was smiling at me was one of the most precious things. There are lots of memorable first times for me: buying a house, running a marathon, going to a UM football game, and hearing Eila say “t’aime” (love you) are just a few of the more interesting ones. It’s remarkable how each day we do so many things that we did the day before and yet there is usually something new there as well. I am trying to take a minute at the end of the day to enjoy that first time for whatever it was that day, even if it is cleaning up puke off of everything around.

I don’t like changes. I am coming to realize that when things change it can be hard, and there are lots of changes happening all around me all the time. Some changes are good and yet they can still be very difficult, like, for instance, a marriage or new baby. Some changes are good for some and not others, like a friend moving away. Some changes seem bad all around, like an illness or loss.

I am dealing with all of these types of changes. Josiah is a great baby, but adjusting to have two kids is still work and I’m not always sure what to do or how to manage. I, believe it or not, have lost my cool a few times and don’t like to not be in control and perfect. One of my closest friend is almost definitely moving to Boulder in a very short time. I know that our relationship won’t be the same. We’ll keep in touch, but it is never the same as when you meet together in person regularly. That’s really sad to me. I’m still trying to adjust to my sister moving across the country… Change is hard, but usually exactly what we need. Who would want to live a life that’s the same all the time? It’s great to make new friends and move on in what God has next for us. Obedience is better than security or comfort.

One thing that I love about my husband (there are many, many things I love and this is just one of those things…) is that he likes me more than our kids. Every so often, we will get a sitter (Grandma) and go on a date. We did that this weekend and it was really refreshing. We went to a movie, which was so bad that we had to leave the theatre. We were both embarrassed that we were exposed to such depravity and a little ticked off that we spent almost $20 to waste an hour of our lives and assault our eyes and ears. Anyway, after splitting from the movie early, we went to dinner at J. Alexander’s and talked. I have come to realize that while I really appreciate acts of service as a sign of love, my main need is for quality time.

It makes me sad when I hear that other couples don’t take time to continue dating after they are married or have kids. In my opinion, it’s so important and keeps me young. I was talking to a friend and she said that her husband and her haven’t been on a date since their 3 year old was born. I was shocked; she then said that her husband loves their daughter and would rather spend time with their little girl than with her. That made me so sad. I didn’t know what to say. I felt like she was fine with this and didn’t see it as unusual or even something that should or could be different. I think that she also likes her daughter more than her spouse and maybe it’s partly because they’re both playing 2nd fiddle to the sweet child in their lives. At any rate, I believe that love and fun don’t end with marriage, if you keep dating!