Same Old, Same Old

It seems like I’m stuck in the same old struggles day in and day out.

I’m a part of several groups where we share prayer requests (and I assume these women are praying for me, as I am for them), but I always feel like I have the same request. Namely, I want to seek God first. Some days this request looks different than other days, but for the most part it’s the same root issue (Pride, Idolatry, Unbelief – call it what you may.) My request might be for better communication with my husband, for more patience with my kids, for more discipline in studying the Bible or prayer, for balance in the activities or events of each day, for time management, for wisdom, for sleep. I try to vary the requests so that I don’t feel like it’s always the same and so that I don’t bore those praying for me. But, more so because I feel like it *should* be different.

Why do I have this expectation that my prayer requests should change? I think it’s because I believe that God answers prayer and if I keep asking for the same thing over and over without any change then that means there hasn’t been an answer. If there is no answer, then everything I believe and live for comes into question. Now, I’m not about to ditch my faith because this one request – that I seek God first – isn’t answered as I think it should be, but it just shows my lack of faith in that I’m afraid to even think about the implications of this “unanswered” prayer request.

The ironic thing about this whole discussion (that I’m having with myself…) is that my request for seeking God first is something that lies within me to fix/do. I don’t need God to answer this request at all. I need to act, knowing that He chose me and sought me out, so it should be my reaction to love Him in return and seek to please Him, with gratitude for all that He has done for me. I will probably keep the same old prayer request and keep trying to phrase it differently depending on my struggle in that moment living according to the graciousness of God. And perhaps, I’ll act as if it’s already been answered, which it has.

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