Strategies
I have been reading a lot lately hoping to get some insight into how to make parenting two little ones easier. What I’ve come to understand is that it will be hard and that it’s supposed to be that way!
The strategies that I’ve employed include: offering choices, making demands, bribery and rewards, timeouts (for kids and mommy), lecturing, yelling, getting really annoyed and frustrated, and of course, threatening. I’ve even started to smack little hands occasionally, but I’m still not a fan and don’t want that to be a part of my repertoire as I would also like to remove yelling and all of those sorts of techniques.
Natural consequences and practicing good behaviors are new in my bag of tricks and are proving to be very useful as well as effective for Eila. She has learned that her feet get cold when she doesn’t wear socks or shoes outside and that it’s important to wear her seatbelt at all times in the car (we practiced this one, as it’s not loving in any way to risk death or injury by allowing natural consequences). At 15 months, Josiah is just not able to make the connections necessary yet. Although, after his spill down the stairs, he consistently turns around rather than trying the face first approach he goofed with that time!
I’m still having a lot trouble coming up with suitable “punishments” for certain crimes. For example, earlier this week, Eila opened all the drawers in her dresser and climbed up them to the top and opened the blinds on the window. She has done this before and knows that it is not allowed. But, what would help her really get it and how dangerous it is (especially with Josiah watching and taking notes at the bottom drawer)?
For whining, I’m so inconsistent. It really annoys me and so I often give in, which is not effective, but it stops the extremely aggravating sound emanating from my kids… I guess my thinking is sort of along the lines of: “This strategy isn’t stopping that noise, what else can I do?”
I’m always open to those with the answers. 🙂
Kristen said,
December 18, 2007 @ 11:18 am
I started putting Annabelle in her room when she has a tantrum or whines. She is allowed to come out when she is finished and calmed down.
It hasn’t stopped it all together; however the length of time she is in her room has shortened…. I think the best thing for us was picking something and sticking with it. It has taken about 3 or more months for her to be able to calm herself down quicker and we are asking her to go to her room less frequently.
shan said,
December 26, 2007 @ 6:25 pm
We do that a lot with Eila too. She doesn’t seem to have shorter fits or anything like that, but she is at least less disturbing to me! Most of the time now, she will go to her room as soon as she starts getting out of control. I think she is starting to realize that she needs some space and time alone to get herself in line.
Michelle said,
December 27, 2007 @ 1:23 am
UGH, I hear you! And I’m constantly reading, looking for the next answer. My favorite right now is Alfie Kohn http://www.alfiekohn.org/index.html I have an copy of Unconditional Parenting if you wish to borrow it.
As for the whining, I can’t stand it. We tell Carter ‘we can’t hear his whining voice, when he can talk in a normal voice, we will listen.’ It seems to work very well right now. He wants to be heard!