Shannon Yee

If you had one year and could do anything at all, what would you do? Where would you go?

I have always prided myself on being someone who lives according to her convictions. A life based on values and priorities not just letting things happen. Somehow, I am not sure that this is still true of me. I want it to be true, but I am not sure that it is.

There are a few reasons for this doubt:

1) I’m very tired and busy chasing my dear toddler many days and therefore don’t do what I have planned.

2) I am not planning my days. There are many days when I look back and feel like I could’ve and should’ve been more deliberate and productive with the time given me.

3) I’m not entirely sure what I value or want my priorities to be at this point.

On the other hand, I feel like I’m living more in line with my values and priorities than ever.

There are several reasons for this confidence:

1) I’m very tired and busy chasing my dear toddler and don’t do all the things I have planned (ie. cleaning, cooking, exercising, etc.)

2) I am not planning my days completely. Instead, I am allowing the special moments of Eila’s days to be just that rather than a series of activities and events and things to accomplish.

3) I know that I do value time with people and training Eila in godly ways, and am spending my time in these pursuits, but little else.

Basically, I am a little confused about if my life is being lived to its fullest or if I should be making changes to ensure an authentic and purpose-filled life. I guess I need to spend a little more time in communion with God over this one because He is the One with the plan for my life, not me…

Some blogs are full of people’s deep thoughts – a public journal. I find these extremely interesting to read and yet do not in the least feel comfortable writing such entries or even commenting on them.

Other blogs are superficial – a daily planner/calendar. In some cases, these can be interesting, but most people just don’t do anything that fascinating on a daily or even monthly basis, so again I don’t really want to write or comment on this type of blog.

Still other blogs are a mixture and or only write “interesting” daily events. Usually, these blogs are not frequently updated or read…

I don’t really know what type of blogger I’d like to be. I guess somewhere in the mixture category and as I don’t have a lot of free time or don’t make time for blogging, I probably won’t be updating that regularily (as you may have already figured out!) I think it would be fun for friends and strangers alike to read my thoughts and ramblings and comment occasionally, but I’m okay just writing for myself too.

Today is the day I sit at the computer and my bathroom gets cleaned… For my birthday, I got the gift of someone cleaning my house. This is fabulous.

It always seems that late at night while I’m trying desperately to sleep, my mind is figuring out how things really work…

Last night was no exception (partly because I took a long nap around 2pm and partly because I spent about 2 hours right before bed checking emails and reading some stuff online…), I was laying in bed with my dear husband sleeping soundly next to me. I had an amazing revelation: I am not in control and that’s ok.

The fact that I’m not in control has been apparent to me for some time although I generally choose to ignore this piece of information completely. I realized that as I try so hard to maintain some semblance of control over so many areas of my life and the lives of those I love, it is all in vain (thankfully, because I would do a terrible job at running the universe).

My real revelation came as I pondered the things that happen completely out of any earthly realm of control – like the development of babies inside the womb. It is a miracle! Nothing that a mother does can make the baby develop any better or worse (outside of the obvious drugs and such in a effort to end the pregnancy). The baby develops or doesn’t, but the behavior of the average woman has little impact on the fetus or embryo – it is completely out of our control. This I understand and am amazed and awed at. This I do not attempt to control (except in the sense of “Taking Charge of Your Fertility”, so I guess even here I attempt a little control).

However, there are many things that are outside of my realm of control that I still make concerted efforts to control. For instance, my husband is often the object of my pathetic manipulation schemes. Brian, as wonderful as he is, isn’t always exactly the way I want him to be, especially while driving. We have different styles and I happen to think that my more aggressive driving style is better in most situations. But, I hate driving, so when together, Brian usually drives and I usually direct with hints like: you could pass, turn, go faster, etc…

So, I realized last night that things I really can’t control at all, I let God take care of. Things that I can influence in any way, I try to take over completely, even if all is going well without my help or influence. Why? I haven’t had that revelation yet, but I think it might have something to do with the sinful nature. I want to let God take care of it all and not worry about it, but I keep holding on and pulling things back into my way of doing things.

Not only am I not in control, I shouldn’t be and that is good!

This morning I am up and ready to go and actually have a few minutes to spare with nothing pressing to do… sure there are dishes in the sink and laundry in the basket waiting to be put away and lots of clutter everywhere, but those can wait.

Eila, my fabulous 1 year-old daughter, decided to wake up at 7:15am this morning instead of her usually 8:30am, but at 8:30am went back down for a nap. This provided me with the perfect opportunity to shower and eat and even curl my hair in peace. I even took a few minutes to thank God for the wonderful rain outside!

It is a great day today. Last night, Brian (my main man) and I went on a much needed date – just the two of us. We were able to see a movie, walk and talk, have dinner and enjoy each other’s company without too much worry for Eila’s safety. So, I am feeling particularly refreshed after a fabulous date with the best man in the world and a really good and mostly uninterrupted sleep.

It is amazing to think about how my life has changed in the past year – I never imagined how much I would value a few minutes to myself and not mind a dirty house or how my heart would melt each time a tear falls from my little girl’s cheek. It is remarkable that this love I have for her, which is greater than I ever realized it would be, is only a fraction of the intensity of love that God has for me as His daughter… Wow!

Well, Eila is up and singing, so I will go.

So, this is my first post. I will start with a little info about myself…

Interests: life, God, Brian, Eila, reading, running, good food, discipleship, prayer, French, and lots of other stuff

Stats: 20-something ESL teacher turned wife and mother, living just a few miles from both the in-laws and the parents