Shannon Yee

I’m definitely afraid of being alone and of failing or being seen as a failure at anything. I am also afraid of heights and many-legged creepy-crawly things.

I used to be a person with tons of “to do” lists and couldn’t function without them. I’m still sort of that way, but not quite as obsessive as I once was.

My “To Do” List is currently full of things that I want to do and feel that I should do, but for some reason am unable to finish and check them off the list. One of the reasons for this is priorities (see my previous post) – I would rather invest my time in something else at that moment. Another reason is that some of the items require other people to do something – like return a phone call, etc. Also, I am tired, so I’m totally using that as an excuse, but that probably would go under the category of priorities – I’d rather be sleeping!

In light of that admission, I’m off to nap.

Lately, I’ve been hearing terrible stories from different sources about the losses and hard times that various people are enduring. A lot of the tragic losses are related to pregnancy and/or young babies. It is heart-wrenching to hear and think about such horrific pain.

At church, we’ve been studying the life of Moses, and I was struck by the horror of the plaques in Egypt, especially the death of the firstborn. It has always seemed awful, but the thought of losing a child at any age now has a deeper significance to me. I cannot imagine the pain of God the Father in sending his son, Jesus, to be a sacrifice for all of us messed up folks. What amazing love He has for me!

So, my perspective is shifting from complaining about myself and wanting to be done with this pregnancy to thanking God for the growing baby inside of me who is almost always moving. (Not that I wasn’t grateful before, but just not as grateful and amazed as I am now.) I’m starting my days with praise and fighting hard against the regular urges to think things need to be my way.

I just woke up and can’t seem to stop sobbing. I feel so hurt, angry, shocked and for no reason (I hope) at all. I had a terrible dream about a broken/betrayed relationship and feel exactly that: broken and betrayed. It is shocking how real it was and how in my dream I went through the emotions and actions that I probably would in real life. I hope to never experience this again (in dream or real life) and am wondering if it has anything to do with a prayer I prayed as I fell asleep for God to be my only source of significance…

So, I thought toddlers were supposed to have separation anxiety or at least notice when their mothers leave them for any length of time.

Brian and I went to a wedding this weekend and left Eila for the first time overnight. She stayed with my sister at my mom’s, so Grandma and Aunt Amber were fighting over taking care of her. I’m sure there was no lack of love and attention, but still, I thought she’d be a little excited to see us again, especially her mom. Alas, I was mistaken, because Eila was actually a little upset that we were back and trying to end the fun at the park. I’m still trying not to let it hurt my feelings. Once we got back home, she was more affectionate and even cuddled with me for a few minutes.
I was a little afraid that I would be the one with separation anxiety since this was her first extended time away from me since I became a mother. Honestly, I did pretty well. It was a little stressful when Amber called and asked how to get into our house (we forgot to leave her a key, oops!), but Eila did fine at Grandma’s, and the wedding reception was a great distraction for me. I only cried a bit and that was mostly because of the movie we were watching.

Is anyone else tired? I have been getting what many would consider more than sufficient amounts of sleep… about 8 hours a night, but I’m still completely exhausted every afternoon. I took a 15-minute nap this morning and still want another one now. Is this laziness? pregnancy? old age? motherhood?

This past weekend was the Country Music Marathon in Nashville, complete with a half-marathon as well. So, some friends and I – along with our husbands and kids, decided to walk 13.1 miles for fun. It was fun. I guess most marathons are the basically the same with the differences being locale, weather and difficulty of the course. The atmosphere was very similar to the Detroit Free Press Marathon that I ran in 2003. Running fans are great everywhere.

I must admit that walking the half was more than half as bad as running the full. It took almost as long to walk and so my feet were equally as sore. Plus, being pregnant and weighing a little more, I think it influenced my physical fitness level a bit more than I imagined it would. Don’t get me wrong, running a marathon is a lot harder than walking half that distance, but walking was much harder than I anticipated. Both, though, are very rewarding and I hope to compete again someday.

My precious baby is now a toddler and some seem very surprised that she is still nursing (~5 times/day). I should probably clarify that most people are most shocked that I am still nursing her rather than that she is still nursing. The majority of negative comments or looks that I’ve received have been at least partially because I am also pregnant. Apparently, it is unacceptable (by some folks, not all) to even consider nursing while pregnant or especially tandem nursing.

Well, Eila is a big fan of “teter” (the french term that we use) and is showing no signs or disinterest or even of the possibility of distracting her from her desired form of nourishment. Now, I must admit that I am also in no hurry to end this part of our relationship. It is a great excuse to sit down together and rest for 5-10 minutes all at once (a rarity for toddlers). It is also a great excuse to eat tons of food (healthy, mind you, but still – I like to eat.) I also like to know that I am providing the very best for her with immunities and antibodies as well as the calories and vitamins and minerals that she needs. God made this food just for her and I want to make sure she gets it.

So, all of this to say that my milk supply is diminishing and the end is coming. I don’t know if it will continue until baby2 arrives and beyond or if Eila will want to stop sooner. I do know that it won’t last forever and that when weaning is over, I will probably be a little relieved (to be able to be away from her for days on end, if needed) and sad (that she could go days on end without needing me).

As for how the weaning process will happen, I have read a lot and gotten lots of advice on the best and worst ways for this. I imagine that it will be a gradual reduction of the number of feeding per day down to just one or two and then she’ll stop asking and I’ll stop offering and then one day I’ll realize that she hasn’t nursed for a couple of days…

I love the computer for its convenience and ease of finding information, but I have very mixed feelings about shopping online.

It is so stressful to me. I like to be able to see all the angles and hold and test things that I might buy. For example, I wanted to get a book for a friend who is newly pregnant; however, I had to read a ton of different people’s opinions about the books rather than just looking through the book and coming up with my own opinion. (I had a coupon for amazon.com that I wanted to use.) Also, I’ve been looking for a new stroller and again have read hundreds of other people’s opinions on various strollers and they have been helpful, but what I really want is to push the stroller around and try it out. You might wonder why I don’t just go do that… Well, I would, except that most stores don’t carry more than one type of the stroller that I’m searching for and in general it is not put together. So, shopping in the traditional sense isn’t even really an option in this case. Plus, several of the strollers are available only online. How crazy is that!?

Shopping online is also totally comfortable. I am able to do the research to find a good deal, which I enjoy and sit at home while Eila is sleeping peacefully. I don’t have to worry about how long I am taking and that she might get fussy or need something, because if anything comes up, I can just continue shopping later, picking up exactly where I left off.

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don’t understand our partner’s requirements, or even our own. We all have a “love tank” that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz