Shannon Yee

I totally agree with the love and logic philosophy, which is basically summarized in the idea that children need a secure foundation of love shown through empathy before delivering consequences and calm, consistent parenting with logical, natural consequences (not saving kids from the cost of their mistakes). Limited and abundant choices are an integral part of helping children have a sense of control over their lives and then not fight you in the areas where you take control. The first parenting rule of Love & Logic is: Adults set limits without anger, lectures, threats, or repeated warnings. I think this is great advice because I want to be able to parent in a way that means that my children obey me the first time and without any yelling.

I found this book to be really practical and therefore helpful in the daily tasks of mothering. For me, choosing and using the same phrase every time my kids need some correction has been really great. It helps me to remain calm and alleviates the need to think in the moment of frustration. I can simply and calmly say one thing and the kids know that they have done something wrong and often fix their behavior right then, before I even start moving. Using delayed consequences also allows me to remain calm and in control and then deliver meaningful consequences rather then empty threats or saying something I don’t mean in the heat of the moment.

While I really agree with the book and think it has wonderful and very useful ideas, I do not think it is the solution to all of life’s problems as the authors would have you believe. I found their arguments, logic and resulting conclusions to be irritating in their over-simplicity. I felt like they were talking to me as a small child and didn’t really like the tone of the book.

All in all, the book is a great tool for parents of young kids, using what works for your family and leaving the rest.

I have a love-hate relationship with my kids’ bathtime. I love that the kids will play happily for 30 minutes or more in the water. I love that they get a bit cleaner. I love that I can sit and read a book while they are having fun together. I love that they want to cuddle up when they are done because they are so cold. But, I hate that they always end their bathtime by splashing water all over the floor or each other or me or all of the above. I hate that they argue and whine when they’ve had enough of each other. I hate that they shiver and can’t get dressed because they are so cold. It’s bathtime now…

I am a planner. I like to plan and have everything organized and know what to expect as much as possible. I don’t really like surprises or last minute things. I don’t like to have every minute scheduled, but I do like to be prepared and have a general plan.

Apparently, that is only for home-schooling moms. If I want to be a planner and send my daughter to public school; that’s not going to happen. In June, when I expected to get a letter informing me of our child’s assignment to morning or afternoon Kindergarten, I was mailed a letter which basically stated that they don’t know anything and will send a letter in August with some information. At least I received my letter, the two other families that I know in the same K got an empty envelope and a blank letter… Why bother with an expensive mailing – wasting paper, money, energy on nothing!

Well, now I find out in the school district newsletter that there will definitely not be midday busing, which is all fine and good for saving money, but I’ll have to wake up a napping kid and that does not make me happy. I vaguely recognize that schooling is not about keeping parents happy, but making things really inconvenient is not a good policy to keep enrollment up and money coming in when I, and others in my position, could easily and happily homeschool and save myself the hassle.

Now that I’ve gotten all that out in the open, I’ll just say that in our family “We choose to be joyful even when we feel like complaining.” That’s our family way for this week! (See Our 24 Family Ways) Ironic, I know. So, I’m all done and am now ready to be joyful. Maybe next time, I’ll be ready to be joyful without complaining first… I’ll work on it.

During the early spring, I ordered about 12 crowns of asparagus to plant and enjoy fresh, seasonal food. I was especially inspired after reading Animal, Vegetable, Miracle. Unfortunately, they arrived while I was out of town and sat for a few days drying out. So, I was worried about their success, especially when by the end of May, when I should’ve had more asparagus than I could ever eat, I still only had a few small shoots, which were trampled and squished by my little garden helpers.

Well, by the end of June, I am dumbfounded as I have giant plants taking over my landscaping. I also had a single whispy plant in three of the other locations where I planted the precious crowns. I had a very vague idea of how big the asparagus would grow. So, I wasn’t really surprised when some stalks got pretty tall, but I was a bit perplexed that they weren’t fern like at all. So, when they started to flower, I was pretty sure that these might not be asparagus plants after all. The tall stalks with purple-ish flowers were nice, but they didn’t look at all like the other asparagus ferns growing around my yard now. So, after an exhaustive search of the internets, my extremely intelligent husband determined the plant to be milkweed. This would explain the bountiful presence of monarchs in our yard this summer…

I’m just a wee bit embarrassed, but did introduce the kids to the wonder of milk from a plant.

I have spent the better part of the past hour looking for some resources to help me in my continuing struggle in being a “good mom.” A friend of mine offered the following words of truth and encouragement – not directly intended for me (I don’t think), but God knew I’d read it today…

I’m a child of God. All my other roles in this world are just extras.
I’m not defined by my role as a mother. My identity is in Christ. Being a wife and a mother is important to me but it is not who I am. These are roles that I value and cherish and desire but they are not me. I can easily (and sometimes do) turn these roles into idols and that will always end in disappointment. I know we will experience pain… but I find a lot of comfort in knowing God has a plan better than mine.

ETA: I forgot to title this post and so it was aptly named for me as undefined. Maybe one day I’ll be more sure of who I am…

For the first time in 5 years, I went to Canada this weekend. The last time was on a fabulous camping trip with a bunch of young couples when I was not even showing in my pregnancy with Eila. This time I went without my wonderful mate. Instead, I traveled with seven children and just three other adults.

We all had a blast visiting the touristy Cliffton Hill and riding the Maid of the Mist, despite TJ’s vociferous complaints about the poncho. I especially enjoyed walking through the gardens and along the river between the falls. My kids loved the waterpark where we spent the better part of two days. If only getting back into the US was as quick and easy as getting back into Canada, I’d be willing to do this trip every year. (Thank God for the DVDs and stale bagels that held the kids over from 5:15-8:30pm!)

I’m so excited because today I got to meet my new nephew and cuddle him! He is adorable, so sweet and so heavy. When I first saw him, I looked at him and he looked right back at me and grinned the biggest gummy smile ever. I knew I liked him…

You can learn more if you want at my sister’s adoption blog. She has some pictures there too. I just wish they lived closer!

In the past few months, both of my grandfather’s health declined significantly, they were both suddenly and unexpectedly in the hospital where they received bad news and were released to nursing homes. Tomorrow is the second funeral in less than 3 weeks for my family. My sadness comes in waves and peace usually follows quickly as I know that they both had long, full and happy lives and leave a great legacy behind. I feel like I was able to say goodbye to each of them before they got really sick and I have so many good memories with them. While I’m grieving the loss of my granddads, I’m relieved at their deaths as it means an end to the pain and confusion that they were each experiencing. Pop and Grandpa were completely different men, but both are loved dearly.

Helping my children process these losses has been really healing for me. Eila went to bed crying and when I asked her what was wrong, she replied “I’m sad because I won’t get to go fishing with Great-Grandpa ever again.” Since I could do nothing else, I hugged her, cried with her, and listened to her. Then, I suggested that we pray together. That prayer was exactly what I needed. Yesterday, Josiah was nearby when Grandma Karen gave me a hug and condolences. He stated simply “Pop died.” Grandma responded “That’s sad, isn’t it?” And, Josiah said “No, it isn’t. He’s happy with Jesus now.” And that’s the truth.

Vacation = 2 parents + 3 kids + 11 days + 6 “homes” + 5 museums + 2 weddings + 1 mini-van + ∞ good times.

We traveled across Pennsylvania & New Jersey to Brooklyn then to Philadelphia and Amish country, stopping at Gettysburg continuing on through Maryland, West Virginia, PA, and Ohio. The dancing and eating were nonstop. Sleeping was optional. Laundry piled high. Swimming, playing at parks, riding trains, milking cows, feeding goats, exploring new places were never enough. The flower girl and ring bearer nearly stole the show with their cuteness.

The crazy thing is that while I’ve left my husband for several trips around the country, he has never gone anywhere on his own until this week.

I’m so glad that he’ll be back tonight as the middle kid is just beside himself with his great need for Daddy. I also really want him to fix the shower that #3 broke… Hee Hee.

Really though, I miss my hubby. He is a truly great guy. I love that he makes me laugh – hard. He is kind and thoughtful in everything that he does. Brian never wants to upset or hurt anyone and I really admire that in him. He is generous, but not irresponsible. He is considerate and cautious, but not indecisive. My loving husband works hard and provides for our family without complaint – even on the days when I’ve been having all kinds of fun while he was dealing with difficult situations. I could go on and on as I eagerly wait for him to fly back home. I’ll just say one more thing: Brian is loyal and completely trustworthy, which is probably more important to me than I ever realized. I love him and can’t wait to re-do his birthday so it feels really special because he deserves it.